My series titled: “Unplug from the matrix”
This one will be disgusting and hard to accept, but trust me, it works.
Every day (hopefully?) you do your #2 business. Every time you go, you use several sheets of toilet paper wasting trees and costing money. Don’t you wish there was a way to stop throwing money down the toilet, literally, save some trees in the process? Sure, you can get a bidet. But that probably will involve a costly toilet upgrade ($50 or so for the cheap add-on, $200 or more for a bidet-included seat). I think that, even if I had a bidet and used it I would still feel inclined to use some TP to check if I’m clean. Well, I am here to tell you there is a super simple way to save money on TP (and save trees) and it requires no upgrade. It just requires you to…think differently.
The simple solution? Time your business with your showers, and let the shower be your cleaner.
Let me explain. Your excrement is defeated by the most simplest of chemicals, hot water. Applying hot water to excrement is like applying fingernail polish remover (generally made of acetone) to fingernail polish or other sticky stuff (e.g. tape residue). I discovered this by accident when I first moved to New York for school. First week I get there, I stepped in dog shit. I went and asked my doorman if there was any grass nearby (also a hive mind / matrix thought process), and of course he gives me a weird look. So I go back upstairs and just decide to wash it in hot water. Viola! Came right off. Now, this isn’t to say I’ve been doing this technique for 15 years, just I’ve known about it in the back of my mind for that time.
In my opinion, applying toilet paper to excrement is like applying a wet napkin to your t-shirt when you get spaghetti sauce on it. It removes most of the sauce, but the residue still remains – you can smell it and taste it (if you were so inclined). Just walk around New York City for a day. People don’t clean up their dog’s excrement with a bucket of hot water, they just pick it up with a plastic bag and leave a bit of residue behind for everyone to see. That residue only comes off when it rains, hard, hard enough to break it up (since rain isn’t at a hot temperature). Toilet paper is so bad at cleaning excrement that some overdo it to feel clean (to the point of injuring the skin). Why injure your skin and leave your ass dirty when there is a shower there to do the job, completely?
All you need to do is time your business with your showers. After you are done doing your business, don’t wipe, just get right in the shower. Avoid the inclination to wipe and just get right into the shower. Just apply the hot water and let it do its work. Watch while the cleaning happens, if you are so inclined. Yeah, yeah, you’ll see a few chunks here and there, and yeah, yeah the brown water can potentially run down your leg. Quit whining, it is just shit; your shit. It all goes down the drain and ends up in the same place, the same water treatment facility that cleans water and makes it drinkable again. And, they made a thing called soap for a damn reason.
If you are worried about it clogging up your drain, don’t. I took a class in college on water treatment something-or-other, had a project on cleaning up the Gowanus Canal in Brooklyn. We had a speaker come in and talk about the evolution of the canal and what has been done to improve it. I always remember the “knock” sound and fist gesture he did when describing how shit travels down a fast moving pipe and breaks up along the way. I’ve been doing this for a long time, never had a single problem with my shower drains.
If you calculate it out, it works out to be $22 per person, per year (my crude calculation: 365 day/year, 1 business/day, 5 wipes/business, 4 sheets/wipe, 330 sheets/two-ply roll, 18 rolls/pack, $18/pack).
Of course, you can’t schedule ALL your daily business with showers, nor can you expect to go 365 times per year (it might be more, it might be less). So, I’ll stick with a rough $20/year with this change in lifestyle.
Telling people you do this will most certainly be met with disgust. But that is how it works with the hive mind, the matrix. Everyone has been led to believe one thing, parting from the accepted norm is frowned upon. Fuck ’em. Your wallet, and your ass, will thank you.
Side note: yes, I still keep TP hanging around and fully stocked for when I have guests at my place. Besides, women still do need TP for when they go #1.